Act IIIScene II
The same. Before Baptista’s house
Enter Baptista, Gremio, Tranio, Katherina, Bianca, Lucentio and Attendants.
BAPTISTA.
To Tranio.
Signior Lucentio, this is the ’pointed dayThat Katherine and Petruchio should be married,And yet we hear not of our son-in-law.What will be said? What mockery will it beTo want the bridegroom when the priest attendsTo speak the ceremonial rites of marriage!What says Lucentio to this shame of ours?
Katherina
No shame but mine; I must, forsooth, be forc’dTo give my hand, oppos’d against my heart,Unto a mad-brain rudesby, full of spleen;Who woo’d in haste and means to wed at leisure.I told you, I, he was a frantic fool,Hiding his bitter jests in blunt behaviour;And to be noted for a merry man,He’ll woo a thousand, ’point the day of marriage,Make friends, invite, and proclaim the banns;Yet never means to wed where he hath woo’d.Now must the world point at poor Katherine,And say ‘Lo! there is mad Petruchio’s wife,If it would please him come and marry her.’
Tranio
Patience, good Katherine, and Baptista too.Upon my life, Petruchio means but well,Whatever fortune stays him from his word:Though he be blunt, I know him passing wise;Though he be merry, yet withal he’s honest.
Katherina
Would Katherine had never seen him though!
Exit weeping, followed by Bianca and others.
Baptista
Go, girl, I cannot blame thee now to weep,For such an injury would vex a very saint;Much more a shrew of thy impatient humour.
Enter Biondello.
Master, master! News! old news, and such news as you never heard of!
Baptista
Is it new and old too? How may that be?
Biondello
Why, is it not news to hear of Petruchio’s coming?
Baptista
Is he come?
Biondello
Why, no, sir.
Baptista
What then?
Biondello
He is coming.
Baptista
When will he be here?
Biondello
When he stands where I am and sees you there.
Tranio
But say, what to thine old news?
Biondello
Why, Petruchio is coming, in a new hat and an old jerkin; a pair of old breeches thrice turned; a pair of boots that have been candle-cases, one buckled, another laced; an old rusty sword ta’en out of the town armoury, with a broken hilt, and chapeless; with two broken points: his horse hipped with an old mothy saddle and stirrups of no kindred; besides, possessed with the glanders and like to mose in the chine; troubled with the lampass, infected with the fashions, full of windgalls, sped with spavins, rayed with the yellows, past cure of the fives, stark spoiled with the staggers, begnawn with the bots, swayed in the back and shoulder-shotten; near-legged before, and with a half-checked bit, and a head-stall of sheep’s leather, which, being restrained to keep him from stumbling, hath been often burst, and now repaired with knots; one girth six times pieced, and a woman’s crupper of velure, which hath two letters for her name fairly set down in studs, and here and there pieced with pack-thread.
Baptista
Who comes with him?
Biondello
O, sir! his lackey, for all the world caparisoned like the horse; with a linen stock on one leg and a kersey boot-hose on the other, gartered with a red and blue list; an old hat, and the humour of forty fancies prick’d in’t for a feather: a monster, a very monster in apparel, and not like a Christian footboy or a gentleman’s lackey.
Tranio
’Tis some odd humour pricks him to this fashion;Yet oftentimes he goes but mean-apparell’d.
Baptista
I am glad he’s come, howsoe’er he comes.
Biondello
Why, sir, he comes not.
Baptista
Didst thou not say he comes?
Biondello
Who? that Petruchio came?
Baptista
Ay, that Petruchio came.
Biondello
No, sir; I say his horse comes, with him on his back.
Baptista
Why, that’s all one.
Biondello
Nay, by Saint Jamy,I hold you a penny,A horse and a manIs more than one,And yet not many.
Enter Petruchio and Grumio.
Petruchio
Come, where be these gallants? Who is at home?
Baptista
You are welcome, sir.
Petruchio
And yet I come not well.
Baptista
And yet you halt not.
Tranio
Not so well apparell’d as I wish you were.
Petruchio
Were it better, I should rush in thus.But where is Kate? Where is my lovely bride?How does my father? Gentles, methinks you frown;And wherefore gaze this goodly company,As if they saw some wondrous monument,Some comet or unusual prodigy?
Baptista
Why, sir, you know this is your wedding-day:First were we sad, fearing you would not come;Now sadder, that you come so unprovided.Fie! doff this habit, shame to your estate,An eye-sore to our solemn festival.
Tranio
And tell us what occasion of importHath all so long detain’d you from your wife,And sent you hither so unlike yourself?
Petruchio
Tedious it were to tell, and harsh to hear;Sufficeth I am come to keep my word,Though in some part enforced to digress;Which at more leisure I will so excuseAs you shall well be satisfied withal.But where is Kate? I stay too long from her;The morning wears, ’tis time we were at church.
Tranio
See not your bride in these unreverent robes;Go to my chamber, put on clothes of mine.
Petruchio
Not I, believe me: thus I’ll visit her.
Baptista
But thus, I trust, you will not marry her.
Petruchio
Good sooth, even thus; therefore ha’ done with words;To me she’s married, not unto my clothes.Could I repair what she will wear in meAs I can change these poor accoutrements,’Twere well for Kate and better for myself.But what a fool am I to chat with youWhen I should bid good morrow to my bride,And seal the title with a lovely kiss!
Exeunt Petruchio, Grumio and Biondello.
Tranio
He hath some meaning in his mad attire.We will persuade him, be it possible,To put on better ere he go to church.
Baptista
I’ll after him and see the event of this.
Exeunt Baptista, Gremio and Attendants.
Tranio
But, sir, to love concerneth us to addHer father’s liking; which to bring to pass,As I before imparted to your worship,I am to get a man,—whate’er he beIt skills not much; we’ll fit him to our turn,—And he shall be Vincentio of Pisa,And make assurance here in Padua,Of greater sums than I have promised.So shall you quietly enjoy your hope,And marry sweet Bianca with consent.
Lucentio
Were it not that my fellow schoolmasterDoth watch Bianca’s steps so narrowly,’Twere good, methinks, to steal our marriage;Which once perform’d, let all the world say no,I’ll keep mine own despite of all the world.
Tranio
That by degrees we mean to look into,And watch our vantage in this business.We’ll over-reach the greybeard, Gremio,The narrow-prying father, Minola,The quaint musician, amorous Licio;All for my master’s sake, Lucentio.
Re-enter Gremio.
Signior Gremio, came you from the church?
Gremio
As willingly as e’er I came from school.
Tranio
And is the bride and bridegroom coming home?
Gremio
A bridegroom, say you? ’Tis a groom indeed,A grumbling groom, and that the girl shall find.
Tranio
Curster than she? Why, ’tis impossible.
Gremio
Why, he’s a devil, a devil, a very fiend.
Tranio
Why, she’s a devil, a devil, the devil’s dam.
Gremio
Tut! she’s a lamb, a dove, a fool, to him.I’ll tell you, Sir Lucentio: when the priestShould ask if Katherine should be his wife,’Ay, by gogs-wouns’ quoth he, and swore so loudThat, all amaz’d, the priest let fall the book;And as he stoop’d again to take it up,The mad-brain’d bridegroom took him such a cuffThat down fell priest and book, and book and priest:‘Now take them up,’ quoth he ‘if any list.’
Tranio
What said the wench, when he rose again?
Gremio
Trembled and shook, for why, he stamp’d and sworeAs if the vicar meant to cozen him.But after many ceremonies done,He calls for wine: ‘A health!’ quoth he, as ifHe had been abroad, carousing to his matesAfter a storm; quaff’d off the muscadel,And threw the sops all in the sexton’s face,Having no other reasonBut that his beard grew thin and hungerlyAnd seem’d to ask him sops as he was drinking.This done, he took the bride about the neck,And kiss’d her lips with such a clamorous smackThat at the parting all the church did echo.And I, seeing this, came thence for very shame;And after me, I know, the rout is coming.Such a mad marriage never was before.Hark, hark! I hear the minstrels play.
Music plays.
Enter Petruchio, Katherina, Bianca, Baptista, Hortensio, Grumio and Train.
Petruchio
Gentlemen and friends, I thank you for your pains:I know you think to dine with me today,And have prepar’d great store of wedding cheerBut so it is, my haste doth call me hence,And therefore here I mean to take my leave.
Baptista
Is’t possible you will away tonight?
Petruchio
I must away today before night come.Make it no wonder: if you knew my business,You would entreat me rather go than stay.And, honest company, I thank you all,That have beheld me give away myselfTo this most patient, sweet, and virtuous wife.Dine with my father, drink a health to me.For I must hence; and farewell to you all.
Tranio
Let us entreat you stay till after dinner.
Petruchio
It may not be.
Gremio
Let me entreat you.
Petruchio
It cannot be.
Katherina
Let me entreat you.
Petruchio
I am content.
Katherina
Are you content to stay?
Petruchio
I am content you shall entreat me stay;But yet not stay, entreat me how you can.
Katherina
Now, if you love me, stay.
Petruchio
Grumio, my horse!
Grumio
Ay, sir, they be ready; the oats have eaten the horses.
Katherina
Nay, then,Do what thou canst, I will not go today;No, nor tomorrow, not till I please myself.The door is open, sir; there lies your way;You may be jogging whiles your boots are green;For me, I’ll not be gone till I please myself.’Tis like you’ll prove a jolly surly groomThat take it on you at the first so roundly.
Petruchio
O Kate! content thee: prithee be not angry.
Katherina
I will be angry: what hast thou to do?Father, be quiet; he shall stay my leisure.
Gremio
Ay, marry, sir, now it begins to work.
Katherina
Gentlemen, forward to the bridal dinner:I see a woman may be made a fool,If she had not a spirit to resist.
Petruchio
They shall go forward, Kate, at thy command.Obey the bride, you that attend on her;Go to the feast, revel and domineer,Carouse full measure to her maidenhead,Be mad and merry, or go hang yourselves:But for my bonny Kate, she must with me.Nay, look not big, nor stamp, nor stare, nor fret;I will be master of what is mine own.She is my goods, my chattels; she is my house,My household stuff, my field, my barn,My horse, my ox, my ass, my anything;And here she stands, touch her whoever dare;I’ll bring mine action on the proudest heThat stops my way in Padua. Grumio,Draw forth thy weapon; we are beset with thieves;Rescue thy mistress, if thou be a man.Fear not, sweet wench; they shall not touch thee, Kate;I’ll buckler thee against a million.
Exeunt Petruchio, Katherina and Grumio.
Baptista
Nay, let them go, a couple of quiet ones.
Gremio
Went they not quickly, I should die with laughing.
Tranio
Of all mad matches, never was the like.
Lucentio
Mistress, what’s your opinion of your sister?
Bianca
That, being mad herself, she’s madly mated.
Gremio
I warrant him, Petruchio is Kated.
Baptista
Neighbours and friends, though bride and bridegroom wantsFor to supply the places at the table,You know there wants no junkets at the feast.Lucentio, you shall supply the bridegroom’s place;And let Bianca take her sister’s room.
Tranio
Shall sweet Bianca practise how to bride it?
Baptista
She shall, Lucentio. Come, gentlemen, let’s go.
Exeunt.