Dave Barry on government

A guy could have one major limb lying on the ground a full ten feet from the rest of his body, and he’d claim it was ‘just a sprain’.

I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person who was supposed to provide them with a melody never showed up.

Admit it, sport-utility-vehicle owners! It’s shaped a little differently, but it’s a station wagon! And you do not drive it across rivers! You drive it across the Wal-Mart parking lot!

The best government is that which governs least.

John L. O'Sullivan1813–1895Often credited to Thomas Paine

Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch.

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.