The quotations of

Ambrose Bierce

American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist, and satirist

1842–1914

88 quotes, most often on Comedy, Anti-Religion and Politics.

Clarionet, n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarionet⁠—two clarionets.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Comedy
- Music
Generous, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Charity
- Comedy
Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic’s eyes to improve his vision.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Comedy
A kiss is but a modified bite, and a fond mother, when she rapturously avers that her babe is ‘almost good enough to eat,’ merely shows that she is herself only a trifle too good to eat it.
The Cynic’s Word Book (1906), p. 43 (Cannibal)
- Comedy
Dawn, n. The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men prefer to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Comedy
- Sleep
Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no gills.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Comedy
- Nature
Gallows, n. A stage for the performance of miracle plays, in which the leading actor is translated to heaven.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Comedy
- Life & Death
Zeus, n. The chief of Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans as God, Gold, Mob and Dog.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)

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