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Quotes about comedy

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Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
?UnattributedOften credited to Benjamin Franklin
Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.
Groucho Marx1890–1977
A guy could have one major limb lying on the ground a full ten feet from the rest of his body, and he’d claim it was ‘just a sprain’.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‘Did you sleep well?’ I said ‘No, I made a few mistakes.’
Steven Wrightborn 1955
- Sleep
- Steven Wright
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
Douglas Adams1952–2001
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Winston Churchill1874–1965
- Clever Jabs
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
Steve Martinborn 1945
- Sex
Thus far, the reputed idiot Bush has graduated from Yale and Harvard, made a stack of cash in the oil industry, become the first consecutive-term governor of Texas, defeated a dual-term VP for the presidency, and led his party to [November 5th’s] extraordinary triumphs. Let his opponents keep calling him stupid; if they do, within five years Bush will be King of England, the Pope, and world Formula One motor racing champion.
Tim Blairborn 1965
- Clever Jabs
- Politics
I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
Mark Twain1835–1910
- Clever Jabs
I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person who was supposed to provide them with a melody never showed up.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
George Carlin1937–2008
- George Carlin
Admit it, sport-utility-vehicle owners! It’s shaped a little differently, but it’s a station wagon! And you do not drive it across rivers! You drive it across the Wal-Mart parking lot!
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Mel Brooksborn 1926The 2,000 Year Old Man (1961)
Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
I love Thanksgiving. It’s the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.
Arnold Schwarzeneggerborn 1947
- Clever Jabs
- Holidays