Act IScene II
A street
Enter Lucio and two other Gentlemen.
Lucio
If the Duke, with the other dukes, come not to composition with the King of Hungary, why then all the dukes fall upon the King.
First Gentleman
Heaven grant us its peace, but not the King of Hungary’s!
Second Gentleman
Amen.
Lucio
Thou conclud’st like the sanctimonious pirate that went to sea with the ten commandments, but scraped one out of the table.
Second Gentleman
“Thou shalt not steal”?
Lucio
Ay, that he razed.
First Gentleman
Why, ’twas a commandment to command the captain and all the rest from their functions! They put forth to steal. There’s not a soldier of us all that, in the thanksgiving before meat, do relish the petition well that prays for peace.
Second Gentleman
I never heard any soldier dislike it.
Lucio
I believe thee; for I think thou never wast where grace was said.
Second Gentleman
No? A dozen times at least.
First Gentleman
What? In metre?
Lucio
In any proportion or in any language.
First Gentleman
I think, or in any religion.
Lucio
Ay, why not? Grace is grace, despite of all controversy; as, for example, thou thyself art a wicked villain, despite of all grace.
First Gentleman
Well, there went but a pair of shears between us.
Lucio
I grant, as there may between the lists and the velvet. Thou art the list.
First Gentleman
And thou the velvet. Thou art good velvet; thou’rt a three-piled piece, I warrant thee. I had as lief be a list of an English kersey as be piled, as thou art piled, for a French velvet. Do I speak feelingly now?
Lucio
I think thou dost, and indeed, with most painful feeling of thy speech. I will, out of thine own confession, learn to begin thy health; but, whilst I live, forget to drink after thee.
First Gentleman
I think I have done myself wrong, have I not?
Second Gentleman
Yes, that thou hast, whether thou art tainted or free.
Enter Mistress Overdone, a Bawd.
Lucio
Behold, behold, where Madam Mitigation comes! I have purchased as many diseases under her roof as come to—
Second Gentleman
To what, I pray?
First Gentleman
Judge.
Second Gentleman
To three thousand dolours a year.
First Gentleman
Ay, and more.
Lucio
A French crown more.
First Gentleman
Thou art always figuring diseases in me, but thou art full of error; I am sound.
Lucio
Nay, not, as one would say, healthy, but so sound as things that are hollow. Thy bones are hollow. Impiety has made a feast of thee.
First Gentleman
How now, which of your hips has the most profound sciatica?
Bawd
Well, well! There’s one yonder arrested and carried to prison was worth five thousand of you all.
First Gentleman
Who’s that, I pray thee?
Bawd
Marry, sir, that’s Claudio, Signior Claudio.
First Gentleman
Claudio to prison? ’Tis not so.
Bawd
Nay, but I know ’tis so. I saw him arrested, saw him carried away; and, which is more, within these three days his head to be chopped off.
Lucio
But, after all this fooling, I would not have it so. Art thou sure of this?
Bawd
I am too sure of it. And it is for getting Madam Julietta with child.
Lucio
Believe me, this may be. He promised to meet me two hours since, and he was ever precise in promise-keeping.
Second Gentleman
Besides, you know, it draws something near to the speech we had to such a purpose.
First Gentleman
But most of all agreeing with the proclamation.
Lucio
Away! Let’s go learn the truth of it.
Exeunt Lucio and Gentlemen.
Bawd
Thus, what with the war, what with the sweat, what with the gallows, and what with poverty, I am custom-shrunk.
Enter Pompey.
How now? What’s the news with you?
Pompey
Yonder man is carried to prison.
Bawd
Well, what has he done?
Pompey
A woman.
Bawd
But what’s his offence?
Pompey
Groping for trouts in a peculiar river.
Bawd
What? Is there a maid with child by him?
Pompey
No, but there’s a woman with maid by him. You have not heard of the proclamation, have you?
Bawd
What proclamation, man?
Pompey
All houses in the suburbs of Vienna must be plucked down.
Bawd
And what shall become of those in the city?
Pompey
They shall stand for seed. They had gone down too, but that a wise burgher put in for them.
Bawd
But shall all our houses of resort in the suburbs be pulled down?
Pompey
To the ground, mistress.
Bawd
Why, here’s a change indeed in the commonwealth! What shall become of me?
Pompey
Come, fear not you. Good counsellors lack no clients. Though you change your place, you need not change your trade. I’ll be your tapster still. Courage, there will be pity taken on you. You that have worn your eyes almost out in the service, you will be considered.
Enter Provost, Claudio, Juliet and Officers.
Bawd
What’s to do here, Thomas Tapster? Let’s withdraw.
Pompey
Here comes Signior Claudio, led by the Provost to prison. And there’s Madam Juliet.
Exeunt Bawd and Pompey.
Claudio
Fellow, why dost thou show me thus to the world?Bear me to prison, where I am committed.
Provost
I do it not in evil disposition,But from Lord Angelo by special charge.
Claudio
Thus can the demi-god AuthorityMake us pay down for our offence by weight.The words of heaven; on whom it will, it will;On whom it will not, so; yet still ’tis just.
Enter Lucio and two Gentlemen.
Lucio
Why, how now, Claudio? Whence comes this restraint?
Claudio
From too much liberty, my Lucio, liberty.As surfeit is the father of much fast,So every scope by the immoderate useTurns to restraint. Our natures do pursue,Like rats that ravin down their proper bane,A thirsty evil; and when we drink, we die.
Lucio
If I could speak so wisely under an arrest, I would send for certain of my creditors; and yet, to say the truth, I had as lief have the foppery of freedom as the morality of imprisonment. What’s thy offence, Claudio?
Claudio
What but to speak of would offend again.
Lucio
What, is’t murder?
Claudio
No.
Lucio
Lechery?
Claudio
Call it so.
Provost
Away, sir; you must go.
Claudio
One word, good friend.—Lucio, a word with you.
Lucio
A hundred, if they’ll do you any good. Is lechery so looked after?
Claudio
Thus stands it with me: upon a true contractI got possession of Julietta’s bed.You know the lady; she is fast my wife,Save that we do the denunciation lackOf outward order. This we came not toOnly for propagation of a dowerRemaining in the coffer of her friends,From whom we thought it meet to hide our loveTill time had made them for us. But it chancesThe stealth of our most mutual entertainmentWith character too gross is writ on Juliet.
Lucio
With child, perhaps?
Claudio
Unhappily, even so.And the new deputy now for the Duke—Whether it be the fault and glimpse of newness,Or whether that the body public beA horse whereon the governor doth ride,Who, newly in the seat, that it may knowHe can command, lets it straight feel the spur;Whether the tyranny be in his place,Or in his eminence that fills it up,I stagger in—but this new governorAwakes me all the enrolled penaltiesWhich have, like unscoured armour, hung by th’ wallSo long that nineteen zodiacs have gone round,And none of them been worn; and for a nameNow puts the drowsy and neglected actFreshly on me. ’Tis surely for a name.
Lucio
I warrant it is. And thy head stands so tickle on thy shoulders that a milkmaid, if she be in love, may sigh it off. Send after the Duke, and appeal to him.
Claudio
I have done so, but he’s not to be found.I prithee, Lucio, do me this kind service:This day my sister should the cloister enter,And there receive her approbation.Acquaint her with the danger of my state;Implore her, in my voice, that she make friendsTo the strict deputy; bid herself assay him.I have great hope in that. For in her youthThere is a prone and speechless dialectSuch as moves men; beside, she hath prosperous artWhen she will play with reason and discourse,And well she can persuade.
Lucio
I pray she may, as well for the encouragement of the like, which else would stand under grievous imposition, as for the enjoying of thy life, who I would be sorry should be thus foolishly lost at a game of tick-tack. I’ll to her.
Claudio
I thank you, good friend Lucio.
Lucio
Within two hours.
Claudio
Come, officer, away.
Exeunt.