Dave Barry on animals

A guy could have one major limb lying on the ground a full ten feet from the rest of his body, and he’d claim it was ‘just a sprain’.

I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person who was supposed to provide them with a melody never showed up.

Admit it, sport-utility-vehicle owners! It’s shaped a little differently, but it’s a station wagon! And you do not drive it across rivers! You drive it across the Wal-Mart parking lot!

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

Robert A. Heinlein1907–1988Glory Road (1963)

• Men
• Women

I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.

Mark Twain1835–1910

• Anti-God

Man [has] always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much-the wheel, New York, wars and so on-while all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man-for precisely the same reason.

Douglas Adams1952–2001