Dorothy Parker on clever jabs

Guns aren’t lawful; nooses give; gas smells awful. So you might as well live.

Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Winston Churchill1874–1965

Thus far, the reputed idiot Bush has graduated from Yale and Harvard, made a stack of cash in the oil industry, become the first consecutive-term governor of Texas, defeated a dual-term VP for the presidency, and led his party to [November 5th’s] extraordinary triumphs. Let his opponents keep calling him stupid; if they do, within five years Bush will be King of England, the Pope, and world Formula One motor racing champion.

Tim Blairborn 1965

• Politics

I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Mark Twain1835–1910