Clever jabs
277 quotes from 161 people
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
I love Thanksgiving. It’s the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.
Cocaine is God’s way of telling someone that they’re too rich.
Groucho Marx1890–1977To S. J. Perelman about his book Dawn Ginsbergh’s Revenge (1929), as quoted in LIFE (9 February 1962)He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
Suppose you were an idiot…and suppose you were a member of Congress…but I repeat myself.
Mark Twain1835–1910Draft manuscript (c.1881), quoted by Albert Bigelow Paine in Mark Twain: A Biography (1912), p. 724Washington is a Hollywood for ugly people. Hollywood is a Washington for the simpleminded.
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
Oscar Wilde1854–1900“The Philosophy of Dress”, The New-York Tribune, 1885. For an analysis see Fashion a Form of Ugliness, oscarwildeinamerica.org (retrieved 9 May 2026)An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows.
If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised.
The difference between Los Angeles and yogurt is that yogurt comes with less fruit.
