Aldous Huxley on comedy

Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him.

Ignore death up to the last moment; then, when it can’t be ignored any longer, have yourself squirted full of morphia and shuffle off in a coma. Thoroughly sensible, humane and scientific, eh?

To us, the moment 8:17 A.M. means something⁠—something very important, if it happens to be the starting time of our daily train. To our ancestors, such an odd eccentric instant was without significance⁠—did not even exist. In inventing the locomotive, Watt and Stevenson were part inventors of time.

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.

Groucho Marx1890–1977

A guy could have one major limb lying on the ground a full ten feet from the rest of his body, and he’d claim it was ‘just a sprain’.

Dave Barryborn 1947

• Dave Barry