Lyndon B. Johnson on journalism

Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm. There’s nothing to do but stand there and take it.

It’s probably better to have him inside the tent pissing out, than outside the tent pissing in.

Poverty must not be a bar to learning, and learning must offer an escape from poverty.

The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.

Thomas Jefferson1743–1826

• Reading

I figured out why I’m not getting seriously rich. I write newspaper columns. Nobody ever makes newspaper columns into Major Motion Pictures starring Tom Cruise. The best you can hope for, with a newspaper column, is that people will like it enough to attach it to their refrigerators with magnets shaped like fruit.

Dave Barryborn 1947

• Dave Barry

You should never pick up a newspaper when you’re feeling good, because every newspaper has a special department, called the Bummer Desk, which is responsible for digging up depressing front-page stories with headlines like DOORBELL USE LINKED TO LEUKEMIA and OZONE LAYER COMPLETELY GONE DIRECTLY OVER YOUR HOUSE.

Dave Barryborn 1947

• Dave Barry