John Lennon on comedy

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.

Christianity will go. It will vanish and shrink. I needn’t argue about that; I’m right, and I will be proved right. We are more popular than Jesus now; I don’t know which will go first⁠—rock’n’roll or Christianity. Jesus was all right, but his disciples were thick and ordinary. It’s them twisting it that ruins it for me.

Love means having to say you’re sorry every fifteen minutes.

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.

Groucho Marx1890–1977

A guy could have one major limb lying on the ground a full ten feet from the rest of his body, and he’d claim it was ‘just a sprain’.

Dave Barryborn 1947

• Dave Barry