Tom Lehrer on comedy

I’ve occasionally heard that I was kicked out of Harvard for being a Communist, for dealing drugs, for corrupting minors, or for diverse other infractions of local decorum. Unfortunately, none of these rumors are true. The one I’ve heard more often is that I am dead. That one I encouraged, hoping it would cut down on the junk mail. It didn’t.

Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

I’m sure we all agree that we ought to love one another and I know there are people in the world that do not love their fellow human beings and I hate people like that.

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.

Groucho Marx1890–1977

A guy could have one major limb lying on the ground a full ten feet from the rest of his body, and he’d claim it was ‘just a sprain’.

Dave Barryborn 1947

• Dave Barry