George Bernard Shaw on comedy

Some men see things as they are and say why⁠—I dream things that never were and say why not.

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn’t!

Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.

Groucho Marx1890–1977

A guy could have one major limb lying on the ground a full ten feet from the rest of his body, and he’d claim it was ‘just a sprain’.

Dave Barryborn 1947

• Dave Barry