The quotations of

Ambrose Bierce

American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist, and satirist

1842–1914

88 quotes, most often on Comedy, Anti-Religion and Politics.

Admiration. Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
PRESIDENT, n. The leading figure in a small group of men of whom — and of whom only — it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President.
The Devil’s Dictionary, p. 266 (1948). Originally published in 1906 as The Cynic’s Word Book.
- Presidency
PRESIDENCY, n. The greased pig in the field game of American politics.
The Devil’s Dictionary.
- Presidency
O proud philanthropist, your hope is vain
To get by giving what you lost by gain.
Epigrams, p. 349. Previously appeared in “Small Contributions”, Cosmopolitan, Vol. 42, No. 6 (April 1907) p. 695.
- Charity
Fashion, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
Education, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Education
Ambition, n. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Motivation & Goals
Witch, n. (1) An ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Women
Erudition, n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Knowledge
Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Pride
Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Thinking
Pig, n. An animal (Porcus omnivorus) closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it sticks at pig.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Animals
Absurdity, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
Circus, n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Animals
- Comedy
Kleptomaniac, n. A rich thief.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Comedy
- Money

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