The quotations of

Ambrose Bierce

American editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist, and satirist

1842–1914

88 quotes, most often on Comedy, Anti-Religion and Politics.

Zeal, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth before a sprawl.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Comedy
- Youth
Faith, n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Anti-Religion
- Faith
Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Politics
Sabbath, n. A weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Comedy
- God
When prosperous the fool trembles for the evil that is to come; in adversity the philosopher smiles for the good that he has had.
Epigrams, p. 371
- Wisdom
Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron, namely, that he is a blockhead.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Clever Jabs
Scriptures, n. The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Anti-Religion
- Religion
Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of the other.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Comedy
- Politics
Justice, n. A commodity which in a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Government
- Justice
Heaven, n. A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound your own.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Comedy
- Talking
Clarionet, n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarionet⁠—two clarionets.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Comedy
- Music
Youth, n. The Period of Possibility, when Archimedes finds a fulcrum, Cassandra has a following and seven cities compete for the honor of endowing a living Homer.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Youth
Laughter, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Laughter
Generous, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Charity
- Comedy
Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic’s eyes to improve his vision.
The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- Comedy

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