Winston Churchill on comedy

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has no heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Never give in⁠—never, never, never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.

Groucho Marx1890–1977

A guy could have one major limb lying on the ground a full ten feet from the rest of his body, and he’d claim it was ‘just a sprain’.

Dave Barryborn 1947

• Dave Barry