Samuel Johnson on comedy

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

Sex: the expense is damnable, the position is ridiculous, and the pleasure fleeting.

A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.

Groucho Marx1890–1977

A guy could have one major limb lying on the ground a full ten feet from the rest of his body, and he’d claim it was ‘just a sprain’.

Dave Barryborn 1947

• Dave Barry