Stephen Colbert on facts

Winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think George Bush has proved definitively that to be president, you don’t need to care about science, literature or peace.

Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Give a man a sub-prime fish loan and you’re in business, buddy.

We claim no respectability. There’s no status I would not surrender for a joke. So we don’t have to defend anything.

Everyone is entitled to his own opinion, but not his own facts.

Daniel Patrick Moynihan1927–2003Often credited to Unattributed

The main part of intellectual education is not the acquisition of facts but learning how to make facts live.

Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.1841–1935

• Education

If the facts don’t fit the theory, change the facts.