P. G. Wodehouse on clever jabs

Whatever may be said in favour of the Victorians, it is pretty generally admitted that few of them were to be trusted within reach of a trowel and a pile of bricks.

To say that his conscience was clear would be inaccurate, for he did not have a conscience, but he had what was much better, an alibi…

It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Winston Churchill1874–1965

Thus far, the reputed idiot Bush has graduated from Yale and Harvard, made a stack of cash in the oil industry, become the first consecutive-term governor of Texas, defeated a dual-term VP for the presidency, and led his party to [November 5th’s] extraordinary triumphs. Let his opponents keep calling him stupid; if they do, within five years Bush will be King of England, the Pope, and world Formula One motor racing champion.

Tim Blairborn 1965

• Politics

I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Mark Twain1835–1910