Tallulah Bankhead on comedy

The only thing I regret about my past is the length of it. If I had to live my life again, I’d make the same mistakes, only sooner.

I’m as pure as the driven slush.

My father warned me about men and booze, but he never mentioned a word about women and cocaine.

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.

Groucho Marx1890–1977

A guy could have one major limb lying on the ground a full ten feet from the rest of his body, and he’d claim it was ‘just a sprain’.

Dave Barryborn 1947

• Dave Barry