Unattributed on comedy

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don’t, they never were.

Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.

Groucho Marx1890–1977

A guy could have one major limb lying on the ground a full ten feet from the rest of his body, and he’d claim it was ‘just a sprain’.

Dave Barryborn 1947

• Dave Barry

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‘Did you sleep well?’ I said ‘No, I made a few mistakes.’

Steven Wrightborn 1955

• Sleep
• Steven Wright