John Mulaney on animals

In terms of like, instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.

I was raised Catholic. I don’t know if you can tell that from the everything about me.

For those of you who aren’t Catholic, I don’t mean to exclude you, although we love to exclude you.

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

Robert A. Heinlein1907–1988Glory Road (1963)

• Men
• Women

I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.

Mark Twain1835–1910

• Anti-God

Man [has] always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much-the wheel, New York, wars and so on-while all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man-for precisely the same reason.

Douglas Adams1952–2001