John Mulaney on comedy

I was raised Catholic. I don’t know if you can tell that from the everything about me.

I like having a puppy that’s a bulldog, ‘cause it’s like having a baby that is also a grandma.

For those of you who aren’t Catholic, I don’t mean to exclude you, although we love to exclude you.

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.

Groucho Marx1890–1977

A guy could have one major limb lying on the ground a full ten feet from the rest of his body, and he’d claim it was ‘just a sprain’.

Dave Barryborn 1947

• Dave Barry