Dorothy Parker on comedy

Guns aren’t lawful; nooses give; gas smells awful. So you might as well live.

If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised.

Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away.

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.

Groucho Marx1890–1977

A guy could have one major limb lying on the ground a full ten feet from the rest of his body, and he’d claim it was ‘just a sprain’.

Dave Barryborn 1947

• Dave Barry