Stephen Colbert on the Internet

Winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think George Bush has proved definitively that to be president, you don’t need to care about science, literature or peace.

Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Give a man a sub-prime fish loan and you’re in business, buddy.

We claim no respectability. There’s no status I would not surrender for a joke. So we don’t have to defend anything.

I assume you are on the Internet. If you are not, then pardon my French, but vous êtes un big loser. Today EVERYBODY is on the Internet, including the primitive Mud People of the Amazon rain forest. In the old days, when the Mud People needed food, they had to manually throw spears at wild boars; whereas today they simply get on the Internet, go to www.spear-a-boar.com and click their mouse a few times (the Mud People use actual mice). Within three business days, a large box is delivered to them by a UPS driver, whom they eat.

Dave Barryborn 1947

• Dave Barry

The Internet is a giant international network of intelligent, informed computer enthusiasts, by which I mean, “people without lives.” We don’t care. We have each other…

Dave Barryborn 1947

• Dave Barry

The Internet: Transforming Society and Shaping the Future Through Chat.

Dave Barryborn 1947

• Dave Barry