Steve Martin on comedy

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.

Groucho Marx1890–1977

A guy could have one major limb lying on the ground a full ten feet from the rest of his body, and he’d claim it was ‘just a sprain’.

Dave Barryborn 1947

• Dave Barry