The quotations of

Steve Martin

American comedian, actor, musician and writer

born 1945

19 quotes, most often on Comedy, Sex and Humor. Part of the Comedians and Hollywood collections.

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Comedy
- Sex
Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
- Sex
There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.
- Sex
Hosting the Oscars is like making love to a beautiful woman⁠—it’s something I only get to do when Billy Crystal’s out of town.
Hosting the 73rd Academy Awards (2001) [14:42]
- Comedy
All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.
- Comedy
Stand-up comedy is transient. History shows that you can stand up for so long; after that, you’re asked to sit down.
- Comedy
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
- Comedy
I could not handle being a woman, I would stay home all day and play with my breasts.
- Women
Boy, those French, they have a different word for everything!
- Comedy
Chaos in the midst of chaos isn’t funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
- Humor
I wrote a novel this year called Shop Girl, and several producers came to me and wanted to turn it into a movie. And I said, “If you think you’re going to take this book and change it around, and Hollywoodize it and change the ending…that’s going to cost you.”
- Movies
Kids like my act because I’m wearing nose glasses. Adults like my act because there’s a guy who thinks putting on nose glasses is funny.
- Humor
What I just said is the fundamental, end-all, final, not-subject-to-opinion absolute truth, depending on where you’re standing.
Picasso at the Lapin Agile
- Comedy
You know what your problem is? It’s that you haven’t seen enough movies⁠—all of life’s riddles are answered in the movies.
- Movies
Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.
- Humor

Often credited to Steve Martin

Quotes often credited to Steve Martin that were said or written by someone else.

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
?UnattributedOften credited to Steve Martin
- Music

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