Fred Allen on comedy

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.

A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.

Groucho Marx1890–1977

A guy could have one major limb lying on the ground a full ten feet from the rest of his body, and he’d claim it was ‘just a sprain’.

Dave Barryborn 1947

• Dave Barry