Henny Youngman on family

My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up⁠—they have no holidays.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.
But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

The family you come from isn’t as important as the family you’re going to have.

Ring Lardner1885–1933

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap on-a-rope.

Bill Cosbyborn 1937