Henny Youngman1906–1998My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up—they have no holidays.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.
All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
“The Haunted Smile: The Story of Jewish Comedians in America” (2001)
