Henny Youngman on age

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up⁠—they have no holidays.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won’t let me plug it in.

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.
But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Jack Benny1894–1974Often credited to Mark Twain