Rita Rudner on children

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

I love being married, I do. It’s so great to find that one special person that you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Well, the old theory was “marry an older man because they’re more mature”. But the new theory is “men don’t mature — marry a young one”.

Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their
food, and tyrannize their teachers.

Socrates470–399 BC

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

Bill Cosbyborn 1937

Truly wonderful, the mind of a child is.