Jon Stewart on comedy

If comedy is tragedy plus time, I need more fucking time. But I would really settle for less fucking tragedy.

I have complete faith in the continued absurdity of whatever’s going on.

Here’s the way I look at it. President Bush has uranium-tipped bunker busters and I have puns. I think he’ll be OK.

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.

Groucho Marx1890–1977

A guy could have one major limb lying on the ground a full ten feet from the rest of his body, and he’d claim it was ‘just a sprain’.

Dave Barryborn 1947

• Dave Barry