Johnny Carson on money

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.

A penny saved is a penny earned.

Benjamin Franklin1706–1790Preface, Poor Richard’s Almanack (1758)

If you’re given a choice between money and sex appeal, take the money. As you get older, the money will become your sex appeal.

Katharine Hepburn1907–2003

• Sex

Cocaine is God’s way of telling someone that they’re too rich.

Robin Williams1951–2014

• Clever Jabs