Johnny Carson on marriage

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.

Talent alone won’t make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: ‘Are you ready?’

Love at first sight is easy to understand; it’s when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.

Amy Bloomborn 1953

• Love

Basically my wife was immature. I’d be at home in my bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.

Woody Allenborn 1935Standup Comic (1999)

• Comedy

My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not you’ll become a philosopher.

Socrates470–399 BC

• Philosophy