Henny Youngman on money

My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up⁠—they have no holidays.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

A penny saved is a penny earned.

Benjamin Franklin1706–1790Preface, Poor Richard’s Almanack (1758)

If you’re given a choice between money and sex appeal, take the money. As you get older, the money will become your sex appeal.

Katharine Hepburn1907–2003

• Sex

Cocaine is God’s way of telling someone that they’re too rich.

Robin Williams1951–2014

• Clever Jabs