Bill Maher on comedy

The cable TV sex channels don’t expand our horizons, don’t make us better people and don’t come in clearly enough.

Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me⁠—I quit.’

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.

Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.

Groucho Marx1890–1977

A guy could have one major limb lying on the ground a full ten feet from the rest of his body, and he’d claim it was ‘just a sprain’.

Dave Barryborn 1947

• Dave Barry