Henny Youngman on marriage

My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up⁠—they have no holidays.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

Love at first sight is easy to understand; it’s when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.

Amy Bloomborn 1953

• Love

Basically my wife was immature. I’d be at home in my bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.

Woody Allenborn 1935Standup Comic (1999)

• Comedy

My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not you’ll become a philosopher.

Socrates470–399 BC

• Philosophy