Johnny Carson on marriage

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.

Love at first sight is easy to understand; it’s when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.

Amy Bloomborn 1953

• Love

Basically my wife was immature. I’d be at home in my bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.

Woody Allenborn 1935Standup Comic (1999)

• Comedy

My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not you’ll become a philosopher.

Socrates470–399 BC

• Philosophy