The quotations of

Dave Barry

American writer

born 1947

100 quotes, most often on Dave Barry, Technology and Journalism. Part of the Comedians and Writers collections.

It is a good idea to “shop around” before you settle on a doctor. Ask about the condition of his Mercedes. Ask about the competence of his mechanic. Don’t be shy! After all, you’re paying for it.
- Dave Barry
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
- Dave Barry
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above- average drivers.
- Dave Barry
MEGAHERTZ: This is a really, really big hertz.
- Dave Barry
In fact, just about all the major natural attractions you find in the West⁠—the Grand Canyon, the Badlands, the Goodlands, the Mediocrelands, the Rocky Mountains and Robert Redford⁠—were caused by erosion.
- Dave Barry
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
- Dave Barry
Stuffwise we are not a lean operation. We’re the kind of people who, if we were deciding what absolute minimum essential items we’d need to carry in our backpacks for the final, treacherous ascent to the summit of Mount Everest, would take along aquarium filters, just in case.
- Dave Barry
The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.
The Taming of the Screw (1983)
- Dave Barry
To you taxpayers out there, let me say this: Make sure you file your tax return on time! And remember that, even though income taxes can be a “pain in the neck,” the folks at the IRS are regular people just like you, except that they can destroy your life.
- Dave Barry
Sharks are hardy creatures, but they do not thrive on public transportation.
I’ll Mature When I’m Dead (2010), p. 83
- Animals
- Comedy

More comedians

All 25 comedians

Bill Cosbyborn 193720 quotes

Woody Allenborn 193534 quotes

Groucho Marx1890–197712 quotes

George Carlin1937–200822 quotes

Steve Martinborn 194519 quotes

Mel Brooksborn 19263 quotes