Famously Said Random quote

Quotes about comedy

1,001 quotes from 337 people

Most readBy personPage 52 of 67

I was never a child. I was always a menopausal woman within a child’s body.
Tracey Ullmanborn 1959Tracey Takes On… (1996–99)
- Age
You see, most people with multiple personalities get therapy. I get my own HBO comedy series!
Tracey Ullmanborn 1959Tracey Takes On… (1996–99)
- Television
I don’t take criticisms personally, which must be very annoying for people who mean them personally.
Nigella Lawsonborn 1960“A woman of extremes” (2001)
Avoid at all costs that vile spew you see rotting in oil in screwtop jars. Too lazy to peel fresh? You don’t deserve to eat garlic.
Anthony Bourdain1956–2018Kitchen Confidential (2000)
- Food
Given a choice between being trapped on a desert island with a group of writers or a family of howler monkeys, I think I’d pick the monkeys. At least I could eat them.
Anthony Bourdain1956–2018The Nasty Bits (2006)
- Writing
I’m going to have cute boobs ‘til I’m 90, so there’s that. I’ll have the best boobs in the nursing home. I’ll be the envy of all the ladies around the bridge table.
Christina Applegateborn 1971During an interview on Good Morning America about her recent mastectomy. (August 19, 2008)
- Health
I threw the kitchen sink at him but he went to the bathroom and got his tub.
Andy Roddickborn 1982After losing the 2004 Wimbledon final to Roger Federer; quoted by BBC News (4 July 2004)
- Sports
I’m not as funny as Chandler is. Because Chandler has thirty people writing for him.
Matthew Perry1969–2023GQ (November 2000)
- Television
Being married means I can break wind and eat ice cream in bed.
Brad Pittborn 1963US Weekly (18 September 2000)
- Marriage
I love men! I think men are the coolest, but you don’t really need them to live. My mom said to me, ‘You know, sweetheart, one day you should settle down and marry a rich man.’ I said, ‘Mom, I am a rich man.’
Cherborn 19461996 interview with Jane Pauley for Dateline, quoted in “Taylor Swift Referenced This Iconic Cher Quote In The “You Need To Calm Down” Video” Bustle (June 17, 2019)
- Men
- Money
You don’t have to be smart to act — look at the outgoing president of the United States.
Cherborn 1946Remark (December 1988), reported in Brewer’s Cinema (1995)
I love having boyfriends. A girl can wait for the right man to come along – but in the meantime that doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones.
Cherborn 1946“Cher Genius”, an interview in You magazine, the Mail on Sunday (UK) newspaper (28 November 2010), interviewed by Elaine Lipworth in Las Vegas.
- Men
Patton Oswalt, he told me, “I think the worst part of the Cosby thing was the hypocrisy.” And I disagreed. Yeah, I thought it was the raping.
Norm Macdonald1959–2021To Jerry Seinfeld. Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee, 12 January 2017
I’m a Canadian Catholic woman, so I’m hardwired to apologize.
Catherine O'Hara1954–2026The Proust Questionnaire: Catherine O’Hara (October 2, 2013)
Zeus, n. The chief of Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans as God, Gold, Mob and Dog.
Ambrose Bierce1842–1914The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)
- America
- Religion