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Lawyer — One who protects us against robbers by taking away the temptation.
H. L. Mencken1880–1956A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- Clever Jabs
- Laws
Wealth — Any income that is at least $100 more a year than the income of one’s wife’s sister’s husband.
H. L. Mencken1880–1956A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- Money
Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
H. L. Mencken1880–1956Prejudices, First Series (1919), Ch. 6, “The New Poetry Movement”
- Anger
An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.
H. L. Mencken1880–1956A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- Clever Jabs
In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for. As for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.
H. L. Mencken1880–1956A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- Clever Jabs
- Politics
The New Deal began, like the Salvation Army, by promising to save humanity. It ended, again like the Salvation Army, by running flop-houses and disturbing the peace.
H. L. Mencken1880–1956A Mencken Chrestomathy (1949)
- Clever Jabs
- Politics
Shave a gorilla and it would be almost impossible, at twenty paces, to distinguish him from a heavyweight champion of the world. Skin a chimpanzee, and it would take an autopsy to prove he was not a theologian.
H. L. Mencken1880–1956Baltimore Evening Sun (4 April 1927)
- Clever Jabs
- Theology
I am a neutral country. I am Switzerland. I refuse to be affected by territorial disputes between mythical creatures.
Stephenie Meyerborn 1973Eclipse (2007), p. 143
Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. … The other eight are unimportant.
Henry Miller1891–1980The Rosy Crucifixion I: Sexus (1949), Ch. 21, p. 465
- Sex
Here is Edward Bear, coming downstairs now, bump, bump, bump, on the back of his head, behind Christopher Robin. It is, as far as he knows, the only way of coming downstairs, but sometimes he feels that there really is another way, if only he could stop bumping for a moment and think of it.
A. A. Milne1882–1956Winnie-the-Pooh (1926), Chapter IIn context
- Thinking
Pooh always liked a little something at eleven o’clock in the morning, and he was very glad to see Rabbit getting out the plates and mugs; and when Rabbit said, “Honey or condensed milk with your bread?” he was so excited that he said, “Both,” and then, so as not to seem greedy, he added, “But don’t bother about the bread, please.”
A. A. Milne1882–1956Winnie-the-Pooh (1926), Chapter IIIn context
- Food
“I have been Foolish and Deluded,” said he, “and I am a Bear of No Brain at All.”
A. A. Milne1882–1956Winnie-the-Pooh (1926), Chapter IIIIn context
- Intelligence
Good morning, Pooh Bear,” said Eeyore gloomily. “If it is a good morning,” he said. “Which I doubt,” said he.
A. A. Milne1882–1956Winnie-the-Pooh (1926), Chapter VIIn context
Because my spelling is Wobbly. It’s good spelling but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places.
A. A. Milne1882–1956Winnie-the-Pooh (1926), Chapter VIIn context
- Writing
Deep versed in books and shallow in himself.
John Milton1608–1674Often credited to Henry Kissinger
- Clever Jabs