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Talking about golf is always boring. (Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball; only the part where you drive the cart.)
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
When you get right down to it, the Safety Lecture is a silly idea. I mean, if the passengers really thought the plane was going to crash, they wouldn’t get on it in the first place, let alone learn how to get an adequate oxygen supply on the way down.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate.
Dave Barryborn 1947“The Funny Side of ‘Beowulf’”, The Miami Herald, November 2, 1997.
- Dave Barry
The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
The only flaw in the Hinckley trial is that it left a lot of people with the impression that psychiatrists are just a bunch of bearded voodoo doctors who espouse confusing and wildly contradictory theories that have nothing to do with common sense. This is totally unfair. Many psychiatrists are clean-shaven.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
We humans do not need to leave Earth to get to a hostile, deadly, alien environment; we already have Miami.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
Over the next hundred years or so football saw a great many major innovations and refinements that are too boring to even think about. Along the way professional football came into being so that the largest and most violent college players would have a way to earn money other than simply demanding it from innocent civilians.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.
Dave Barryborn 1947Quoted in Bobby Mercer, How Do You Light a Fart?: And 150 Other Essential Things Every Guy Should Know about Science (2009).
- Dave Barry
The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn’t have eyeballs or fins.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
- Journalism
It is a good idea to “shop around” before you settle on a doctor. Ask about the condition of his Mercedes. Ask about the competence of his mechanic. Don’t be shy! After all, you’re paying for it.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above- average drivers.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry