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Quotes about comedy

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Religion has actually convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever ‘til the end of time… But He loves you! He loves you, and He needs MONEY!
George Carlin1937–2008You Are All Diseased (1999)
- Anti-Religion
The proper definition of a man is an animal that writes letters.
Lewis Carroll1832–1898The Selected Letters of Lewis Carroll, ed. Roger Lancelyn Green (1989), p. 10
- Writing
If you drink much from a bottle marked “poison,” it is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later.
Lewis Carroll1832–1898Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland (1865), Chapter IIn context
- Advice
Everybody has won, and all must have prizes.
Lewis Carroll1832–1898Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland (1865), Chapter IIIIn context
- Success
“Speak roughly to your little boy,
And beat him when he sneezes:
He only does it to annoy,
Because he knows it teases.”
Lewis Carroll1832–1898Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland (1865), Chapter VIIn context
- Children
“But I don’t want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked.
“Oh, you ca’n’t help that,” said the Cat: “we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.”
“How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice.
“You must be,” said the Cat, “or you wouldn’t have come here.”
Lewis Carroll1832–1898Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland (1865), Chapter VIIn context
“Why is a raven like a writing-desk?”
Lewis Carroll1832–1898Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland (1865), Chapter VIIIn context
Off with her head!
Lewis Carroll1832–1898Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland (1865), Chapter VIIIIn context
- Anger
“Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,” the Mock Turtle replied; “and then the different branches of Arithmetic⁠—Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.”
Lewis Carroll1832–1898Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland (1865), Chapter IXIn context
- Education
“Rule Forty-two. All persons more than a mile high to leave the court.”
Lewis Carroll1832–1898Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland (1865), Chapter XIIIn context
- Laws
“The horror of that moment,” the King went on, “I shall never, never forget!”
“You will, though,” the Queen said, “if you don’t make a memorandum of it.”
Lewis Carroll1832–1898Through the Looking-Glass (1871), Chapter IIn context
’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
“Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!”
Lewis Carroll1832–1898Through the Looking-Glass (1871), Chapter IIn context
- Poetry
“O Tiger-lily,” said Alice, addressing herself to one that was waving gracefully about in the wind, “I wish you could talk!”
“We can talk,” said the Tiger-lily: “when there’s anybody worth talking to.”
Lewis Carroll1832–1898Through the Looking-Glass (1871), Chapter IIIn context
- Clever Jabs
- Talking
“Contrariwise,” continued Tweedledee, “if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn’t, it ain’t. That’s logic.”
Lewis Carroll1832–1898Through the Looking-Glass (1871), Chapter IVIn context
- Thinking
The rule is, jam to-morrow and jam yesterday⁠—but never jam to-day.
Lewis Carroll1832–1898Through the Looking-Glass (1871), Chapter VIn context
- Time