Quotes about comedy
1,001 quotes from 337 people
I have only one thing to say to the tax increasers: Go ahead, make my day.
Ronald Reagan1911–2004Speech threatening to veto legislation raising taxes (13 March 1985)Every man at the bottom of his heart believes that he is a born detective.
John Buchan1875–1940The Power-House (1916), Ch. 2 “I First Hear Of Mr Andrew Lumley”I wonder what chairs think about all day: “Oh, here comes another asshole.”
Robin Williams1951–2014Reality…What a Concept (1979)Sharks are hardy creatures, but they do not thrive on public transportation.
Dave Barryborn 1947I’ll Mature When I’m Dead (2010), p. 83I’ve never looked through a keyhole without finding someone was looking back.
Judy Garland1922–1969Interview, NBC TV (16 March 1961)Perhaps we will be forgiven if we claim we are about midway to our objective!
Chester W. Nimitz1885–1966After the Battle of Midway, CINCPAC Communiqué No. 3, (6 June 1942)If you’re really a mean person you’re going to come back as a fly and eat poop.
KCKurt Cobain1967–1994As quoted in Monk Magazine (October 1992)Little men in lofty places, who throw long shadows, because our sun is setting.
Walter Savage Landor1775–1864Imaginary Conversations (1824-1829), “Andrew Marvel and Bishop Parker”I have never yet done a man to death by torture, but by God, sir, you tempt me!
Robert E. Howard1906–1936“Red Shadows” (1928)When they’re standing right in front of you, kings are a kind of speech impediment.
Terry Pratchett1948–2015The Carpet People (1971; 1992)Avoid running at all times.
And don’t look back— something might be gaining on you.
Satchel Paige1906–1982“How to Stay Young,” Collier’s Magazine (13 June 1953)Thy praise or dispraise is to me alike;
One doth not stroke me, nor the other strike.
Ben Jonson1572–1637Epigrams (1616), LXI: To Fool, or KnaveWhen I used to speak of the lunatic fringe, I didn’t know I was going to be head of it.
Oscar Levant1906–1972The Memoirs of an Amnesiac (1965)I am such a good man, at bottom, such a good man, how is it that nobody ever noticed it?
Samuel Beckett1906–1989Malone Dies (1951)If in his study he hath so much care
To hang all old strange things, let his wife beware.
John Donne1572–1631Epigrams, “Antiquary”, in Poems (1633)