Quotes about comedy
1,001 quotes from 337 people
My father warned me about men and booze, but he never mentioned a word about women and cocaine.
Tallulah Bankhead1902–1968Tallulah, Darling: A Biography of Tallulah Bankhead (1980), p. 2Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no gills.
Ambrose Bierce1842–1914The Devil’s Dictionary (1911)Can we actually “know” the universe? My God, it’s hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown.
Woody Allenborn 1935Getting Even (1971), “My Philosophy”The day I made that statement, I was tired because I had been up all night inventing the Camcorder.
Al Goreborn 1948Joking about reports that he had claimed to have invented the internet, as quoted in The Boston Globe (9 April 1999).From the point of view of a tapeworm, man was created by God to serve the appetite of the tapeworm.
Edward Abbey1927–1989A Voice Crying in the Wilderness (Vox Clamantis in Deserto) (1990)If I thought the Lord was speaking to me I’d check myself into Bellevue, and I think you should too.
Bill Maherborn 1956Larry King Live, 11 August 2005; in response to a called-in question if he would become a believer if the Lord spoke to himLike many men, I can never find anything that I’m looking for, even when I’m actually looking at it.
Jeremy Clarksonborn 1960Sunday Times September 6, 2009There’s reason good, that you good laws should make:
Men’s manners ne’er were viler, for your sake.
Ben Jonson1572–1637Epigrams (1616), XXIV: To the Parliament
Oscar Levant1906–1972The Memoirs of an Amnesiac (1965)
Garrison Keillorborn 1942“When I’m 64” Salon.com (8 August 2006)
Groucho Marx1890–1977From his autobiography Groucho and Me (1959)
Agatha Christie1890–1976Murder in Mesopotamia (1936), Dr Reilly
Scott Adams1957–2026The Dilbert Principle (1996)
Werner Herzogborn 1942Herzog on Herzog (2002)
Steven Wrightborn 1955Steven Wright Special (1985)