Famously Said Random quote

Quotes about comedy

1,001 quotes from 337 people

Most readBy personPage 20 of 67

Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait. I guess that’s like a regular window.
JHJack Handeyborn 1949
- Jack Handey
What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid-gold baby? Maybe we’ll never know.
JHJack Handeyborn 1949
- Jack Handey
I think that a hat which has a little cannon that fires and then goes back inside the hat is at least a decade away.
JHJack Handeyborn 1949
- Jack Handey
I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children’s children, because I don’t think children should be having sex.
JHJack Handeyborn 1949
- Jack Handey
I once said cynically of a politician, ‘He’ll doublecross that bridge when he comes to it.’
Oscar Levant1906–1972The Memoirs of an Amnesiac (1965), p. 13
- Clever Jabs
He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.
George Eliot1819–1880Adam Bede (1859), Chapter 33
- Clever Jabs
You can observe a lot just by watchin’.
Yogi Berra1925–2015
- Yogi Berra
I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you’re having a good idea but it’s just eggs hatching.
JHJack Handeyborn 1949
- Jack Handey
I made a wrong mistake.
Yogi Berra1925–2015
- Yogi Berra
I dote on his very absence.
William Shakespeare1564–1616The Merchant of Venice, Portia, l. 99In context
- Clever Jabs
Deep versed in books and shallow in himself.
John Milton1608–1674Often credited to Henry Kissinger
- Clever Jabs
I’m number 10 at the box office. Right under Barbra Streisand. Can you imagine being under Barbra Streisand? Get me a bag. I may throw up.
Walter Matthau1920–2000
- Clever Jabs
The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.
Yogi Berra1925–2015
- Yogi Berra
This Treasury paper, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read.
Winston Churchill1874–1965As cited in Churchill by Himself (2008), ed. Langworth, PublicAffairs, p. 50, ISBN 1586486389
- Clever Jabs
- Reading
Slump? I ain’t in no slump… I just ain’t hitting.
Yogi Berra1925–2015
- Yogi Berra