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Quotes about comedy

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The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There’s also a negative side.
Hunter S. Thompson1937–2005
- Clever Jabs
- Music
To you taxpayers out there, let me say this: Make sure you file your tax return on time! And remember that, even though income taxes can be a “pain in the neck,” the folks at the IRS are regular people just like you, except that they can destroy your life.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
If I could drop dead right now, I’d be the happiest man alive.
Samuel Goldwyn1882–1974
If people don’t come to the games, you can’t stop them.
Yogi Berra1925–2015
- Yogi Berra
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
Dan Quayleborn 1947
- Clever Jabs
Which painting in the National Gallery would I save if there was a fire? The one nearest the door of course.
George Bernard Shaw1856–1950
- Art
- Clever Jabs
I would not join any club that would have someone like me for a member.
Groucho Marx1890–1977
- Clever Jabs
Like many intellectuals, he was incapable of saying a simple thing in a simple way.
Marcel Proust1871–1922
- Clever Jabs
- Talking
I want to thank everyone who made this night necessary.
Yogi Berra1925–2015
- Yogi Berra
I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.
Oscar Wilde1854–1900The Importance of Being Earnest (1895), Act IIIn context
The English country gentleman galloping after a fox — the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable.
Oscar Wilde1854–1900A Woman of No Importance (1893)
- Clever Jabs
Occasionally he stumbled over the truth, but hastily picked himself up and hurried on as if nothing had happened.
Winston Churchill1874–1965On Stanley Baldwin, as cited in Churchill by Himself (2008), Ed. Langworth, PublicAffairs, p. 322
- Clever Jabs
- Truth & Lies
Mr. Gladstone read Homer for fun, which I thought served him right.
Winston Churchill1874–1965My Early Life: A Roving Commission (1930), Chapter 2 (Harrow).
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
Woody Allenborn 1935Without Feathers (1975)
- God
Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.
Mark Twain1835–1910A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court (1889), Ch. 22