Famously Said Random quote

Quotes about comedy

1,001 quotes from 337 people

Most readBy personPage 10 of 67

If God had wanted us to spend our time fretting about the problems of home ownership, He would never have invented beer.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
I wish TV had a knob so you could turn up the intelligence. The one marked Brightness doesn’t work.
Gallagher1946–2022
- Television
She didn’t reckon with the awesome power of the Chief of Police! Now where did I put my badge?…Hey, that duck’s got it!
CWChief Wiggum
- The Simpsons
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Oscar Wilde1854–1900
- Clever Jabs
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
George Burns1896–1996
- Happiness
All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.
Fran Lebowitzborn 1950“Manners” (p. 6).
- Clever Jabs
What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
Meetings are an addictive, highly self-indulgent activity that corporations and other large organizations habitually engage in only because they cannot actually masturbate.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
I can think of nothing more boring for the American people than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour looking at my face on their television screens.
Dwight D. Eisenhower1890–1969
As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
George Carlin1937–2008
- George Carlin
I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis.
Douglas Adams1952–2001
All the people throughout my life who were naysayers pissed me off. But they’ve all given me a fervor; an angry ambition that cannot be stopped⁠—and I look forward to finding a therapist and working on that.
Tobey Maguireborn 1975
Imagination is a quality given a man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is.
Oscar Wilde1854–1900
- Clever Jabs
Karate is a form of marital arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy’s arm behind his back. NOW who’s asking the questions?
JHJack Handeyborn 1949
- Jack Handey