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Quotes about comedy

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I’ve been accused of vulgarity. I say that’s bullshit.
Mel Brooksborn 1926
- Talking
I wish I had an answer to that, because I’m tired of answering that question.
Yogi Berra1925–2015
- Yogi Berra
Oh, man, what a day. It’s no cakewalk being a single parent, juggling a career and family like so many juggling balls… two, I suppose.
CWChief Wiggum
- The Simpsons
Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.
Bill Maherborn 1956
- Clever Jabs
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.
Yogi Berra1925–2015
- Yogi Berra
Children need encouragement. So if a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way, he develops a good, lucky feeling.
JHJack Handeyborn 1949
- Jack Handey
Some folks look at me and see swagger, which in Texas is called ‘walking’.
George W. Bushborn 1946Speech accepting the Republican nomination for President in New York City (September 2004)
- Clever Jabs
If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or or not.
Fran Lebowitzborn 1950
My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Henny Youngman1906–1998
- Age
I figured out why I’m not getting seriously rich. I write newspaper columns. Nobody ever makes newspaper columns into Major Motion Pictures starring Tom Cruise. The best you can hope for, with a newspaper column, is that people will like it enough to attach it to their refrigerators with magnets shaped like fruit.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
- Journalism
The reason gas stations sell food, of course, is that the supermarkets are busy cashing checks. The supermarkets have to cash checks because the banks are busy mailing unsolicited credit cards to everybody in the Western Hemisphere. The result is that very few people fix cars.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry
Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus’s-flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won’t bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.
JHJack Handeyborn 1949
- Jack Handey
I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would affront your intelligence.
William F. Buckley Jr.1925–2008
- Clever Jabs
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M’s and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
Dave Barryborn 1947
- Dave Barry